Platonic co-parenting

What is platonic co-parenting?

Platonic co-parenting is a relatively new approach to starting a family and parenting which has gained popularity in recent years. It involves individuals who wish to have a child and a parenting partner coming together to raise a child without romantic involvement. This could be friends or acquaintances who want children without romance, or co-parenting connections made on the rising number of websites dedicated to such arrangements.

These individuals then enter into a platonic open arrangement to raise their child together. Some platonic co-parents may live together but most live separately, with the child moving between their two houses and the parents often but not necessarily coming together for birthdays, Christmases and other special occasions.

There is not one fixed definition of platonic co-parenting and another arrangement falling into this category would be single friends living together with their respective children and sharing expenses and parenting duties.

What are the benefits of platonic co-parenting?

Platonic co-parenting can provide increased emotional support and stability for the child and the co-parents. Both the child and co-parents are often exposed to a larger support network, giving the co-parents more support and the child more examples of positive role models. As the arrangements are usually entirely amicable, the child will experience positive communication between their parents and healthy relationships. Both co-parents will also likely benefit from the shared financial and childcare responsibilities, giving both greater financial and personal flexibility.

What are the potential disadvantages of platonic co-parenting?

All parenting arrangements face communication challenges and the potential for disagreements or conflict. If there is a conflict between platonic co-parents there may be legal and financial complications such as the arrangements for how the child spends their time and financial support for the child. There is also the uncertainty of one parent potentially wishing to move away or pursue a romantic relationship with another person in the future.

One disadvantage exclusive to platonic co-parenting may be the social stigma or misunderstanding around the arrangement which differs from traditional family structures which most people are familiar with.

As with all parenting arrangements, it is important that platonic co-parents maintain open communication, address conflicts constructively and seek legal guidance where required.

What are the issues when considering platonic co-parenting?

All types of parenting arrangements can be challenging when multiple parents are involved but platonic co-parenting especially requires careful consideration and thoughtful structure.

Platonic co-parents will benefit from open conversations and forward planning before a child is conceived. This includes discussing and agreeing on such issues as:

• Living arrangements and logistics of the child moving between two households;
• Finances and financial responsibility;
• Parenting styles, values and discipline;
• Religious beliefs and how the child will be raised;
• Childcare options and educational choices, and how these will be funded; and
• Healthcare and medical decisions including what should happen in an emergency situation.

It is also important not to forget to plan for nuances such as:

• Naming the child, including their surname;
• The day-to-day work of caring for the child, especially immediately after the child is born. Will both parents live together? If so, where and for how long? And how will responsibilities for night-times, cooking and cleaning etc be shared?;
• Feeding and how this may impact any arrangements, especially in the first few months of the child’s life;
• How special occasions such as birthdays, Christmas, Easter etc will be spent;
• Posting about the child on social media;
• What will happen if one parent enters into a romantic relationship and how this will potentially change the arrangement including the process of introducing the child to any new partner;
• How any potential conflicts will be resolved in future and whether a family counsellor or mediator will be consulted.

Legal considerations

Before a child is conceived by platonic co-parents, it is essential for each prospective parent to know their legal rights, responsibilities and obligations. This will also assist them if a future conflict arises. Prospective platonic co-parents should consider:

• Who will be recorded on the birth certificate as the child’s legal parents?
• Who will have parental responsibility for the child? And if it is not acquired automatically by one parent, how will parental responsibility be given to that parent? 
• Should the parents enter into a parenting agreement recording the agreements which they have reached?
• If parents chose to live together for part or all of their child’s life, what are the legal considerations and implications of doing so? Especially if, for example, the house is owned by one parent. Do the parents need to enter into a cohabitation agreement as well as a parenting agreement?
• If a conflict arises, how would a court decide the arrangements for the child such as who they will live with and how they will spend time with each parent?
• If a conflict arises about specific issues such as religion, medical procedures or schooling how would the court approach these issues? See our article on specific issue orders.
• If one parent wishes to move away either in the UK or abroad in the future, how will a court approach such a move. Find more information on relocating within the UK as a single parent.
• It is important to note that one parent cannot move a child out of the country without either the consent of all other people with parental responsibility for the child or the approval of the court. Find out more about travelling abroad with children.
• Both parents’ legal obligation to provide for the child financially including child maintenance through the child maintenance service and any potential claims under Schedule 1 of the Children Act 1989.

Parenting agreements

A parenting agreement will assist platonic co-parents with setting out their agreements in respect of the issues above, including how their child will be raised and each person’s involvement and responsibilities. As no two parenting arrangements are the same, all parenting agreements are bespoke and you should speak to a family law solicitor who can fully advise you on the sorts of issues to include and give you the benefit of their experience as to what is workable and reasonable. A family law solicitor can also advise you as to the potential legal issues set out above and the approach which a court is likely to take.

If you are affected by any of the issues in this article please contact one of our family law specialists.